It
was Brigh.
“Father went upstairs towards the
kitchens,” she panted. “He'll figure things out soon enough. Quick!”
And
so it begins again, Dakota thought as she loaded, once more, Ember and the
still unconscious Noah onto the Pony Express.
“How soon is soon enough?”
asked Dakota, panting as she, Saphira, and Jazmyn ran behind Brigh.
“Too soon to be comfortable,” Brigh
replied. “It’ll take him five minutes maximum to get to the kitchens, two
minutes maximum to realize I’m not there, and one minute maximum to realize
something’s wrong.”
“So, all in all, we have eight minutes
to get out of here?” Dakota gasped.
“Yes.”
“Great. Just … great.”
“Well, Dakota,” said Jazmyn, taking a
stab at humor, “every day is a gift, they say. This one has thrills and chills, all in one package.”
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m
going to decline.”
“Too late. You already have it.”
Jazmyn smiled slightly.
“Well then,” Dakota snapped back
playfully, “where can I return it?”
Jazmyn laughed.
“I know you’re trying to lighten the
mood,” said Saphira calmly, “but unless you want to get caught, I’d suggest
that you stop talking.”
:) Cute and funny. But you don't need to keep reminding us they're "joking" or being "playful". The humour *should* stand on it's own, without you needing to tell the reader when they should be laughing. Good job!! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks Cait! That really helps!
ReplyDeleteI liked it! I second Cait...just speaking from experience on my part. I used to say a lot they were joking, much more then this, I think I drove my editors in sane...in fact, I do that a lot.
ReplyDeleteI liked this though! Now I want to know what is going on...I keep picturing Trolls for some reason, I've a thing for Trolls.
Allons-y!
Well, Jack, theyre running away from an evil centaur, but they might run into a troll later....who knows :) And I polished, refurbished, and reposted this part for Snippets, so I hope that versio n is better!
ReplyDelete