My NaNoWriMo novel is still going strong, at *goes to check* 68,915 words. Yes, over the limit, I know, but I couldn't fit all my ideas for The Shadow Conspiracy into 50k words! I'm nearing the end (YAY!) but I'm stuck on one vital scene.
To describe the scene without writing several paragraphs will be hard, but I'll try my best. So, the three main characters --- the triplets, Sophie, Skylar, and Sierra --- have to kidnap their brother, Santiago. I'm having trouble writing this, because instead of showing, I am telling by habit. It makes the scene boring, even for me as the author. It's supposed to be thrilling, full of action and close calls, but I can't seem to make it so.
Do you have any tips for writing action scenes? I need them. Desperately. xD Here's a snippet from what I have so far (from the perspective of Santiago), just to give you a taste of what's happening:
Santiago
was restless.
No matter how much his tutor droned
on, nor how much he tried to keep his eye on the textbook page, he couldn’t
keep his focus. His mind kept wandering to his mother, lying sick in bed, or
his father, sitting below him in a meeting.
I
wish I was at that meeting, he thought, instead
of listening to old Wheezy talk about … what is he talking about? Santiago sighed. I wish something awesome would happen.
Boom.
Santiago
jumped. Wasting no time, he rushed to the window (scattering papers everywhere
as he did so) and pressed his nose to the glass. The hill, on the outskirts of
King’s Crossing, was on fire.
Santiago pressed a hand to his
chest. Sweet mother of magic mushrooms!
Am I a wizard or something?
“Young
man, you get back ---” Mr. Meesler stopped, just short of the window. “My
goodness --- what in the world ---”
A knock suddenly came at the door.
Slipping on the fallen papers, Santiago rushed to the door and opened it,
revealing a soldier.
“Sir, this is from your father,” the
soldier said, handing a piece of parchment to him. “Give this to your tutor,
please.”
“Yes, sir!” Santiago saluted the
man, snapped the door shut, and raced to the tutor’s desk. Meesler snatched the
envelope from him and, using a pair of scissors, snipped it open.
Santiago crossed his fingers behind
his back. Please let me leave this stuffy
place … please let me leave this stuffy place …
“Your
father says to stay here, in the classroom, and continue following the
schedule,” Mr. Meesler said tartly, folding up the parchment and sticking it in
his desk.
Santiago groaned. “But, Mr. Meesler
---”
“No buts, young man! We shall
proceed as ordered. Take your seat.”
Santiago shuffled back to his seat
and plopped into it, but his mind was further from the lesson than ever. As he
watched soldiers rush to the hills, he couldn’t help but feel like something
tremendously exciting was about to happen.
Probably not a very good insight, but it's all I could give right now. :) Thoughts?
Happy new year! (And a very, very late, happy christmas...but hay! It's fun to say still.) ;D
ReplyDeleteWhen I write action scenes I keep my sentences short and use action verbs (so nothing passive like *was* or *were* or *is*). The scenes are never too long, either, so I get in and get out, trying to make a punch while I do.
Good luck with this scene!
Great tips, Cait! Thanks! I'll try. :)
ReplyDeleteSweet mother of magic mushrooms! *Snicker*
ReplyDeleteI am afraid I can offer no help as I am a teller and not a shower as well and am slowly working on becoming the opposite. I do like this scene though, it kept my attention and was even funny at moments.
I liked that part ;) And thanks! It always makes my day when other people think that my work is funny and interesting.
ReplyDelete